Deep breath, Chin high.

Today I woke up feeling all smug about myself... You know for doing the unthinkable, for doing the thing everybody dreams about but don’t end up doing…taking a break from life...

I feel like I have done the stuff that actually requires some balls, and even though half of the population are blest with it, they do not find themselves doing what I have done…walking into the unknown and really not knowing….

This smugness however was very short lived. Extremely short, miniscule really….

And this is why…

As I was walking out of the elevator I met my very traditional 70 year old maharashtrian neighbour. Generally our conversations are pretty standard, meaning they revolve around one single topic of discussion, my marriage, ofcourse!!! Being 27 and unmarried is looked down upon by most 70 year olds I’ve known. Except my grammy, she was the exception to the rule. Coolest, little lady ever!!

So getting back to it, she surprises me with a new topic this time, guess what??? Are you unemployed? What happened? Why are you sitting at home and not working? And finally inorder not to cause any disappointments are you getting married? So for the preparation you’re at home, if that’s it then it is ok… phew!!!!  She was rather worried about me when I told her, I was just taking a break and no it was not so that I could plan a perfect wedding. The concept seemed alien to her.

Is everyone fixated on the future? Work ourselves into a pulp so that we may score well in our appraisal and even maybe get nominated for the promotion next year. Why are we so desperate to ensure a better future? Do we realise that we waltz by our present, our today, So that we may have a better tomorrow. And who is guaranteeing that tomorrow eh??? Ask yourself that ever?  Is it your soul sucking boss who guarantees that? Or your dimwit supervisor whose brain has probably never been defrosted since the offset of the ice age?

With these questions in mind I floated into the market for my daily dose of bargaining, screaming and most importantly refilling my fridge. Staying at home actually gives you so much opportunity to feed yourself at the right intervals or I should rather say at whatever part of the day you would like to be fed, it’s unbelievable. I couldn’t even get myself to eat breakfast earlier, now I practically eat 7 meals a day. Not all small, definitely not all healthy…. Sigh! Now that I’ve heard myself say it out loud, it sounds wrong. So this is my take away for today…eat fewer meals, stay clear of vainee, prioritise present over future, also just because you woke up feeling one way doesn’t mean you will go to bed feeling the same.

Deep breath. Chin high.

On a break……

No….not from a relationship or anything. A break from work, from long boring meetings and tight schedules. And boy do I know about schedules. I think it comes from being schooled in a boarding. The kind of boarding school where you wake up at 4 freaking 30 in the morning, get 30 minutes to get showered and dressed to only be queued up in a single file line to attend mass at 5 am. You get the picture, right???

Well when you’ve lived like that for what seems like more than a decade, schedules become part of you. They are ingrained into you, much to my dismay I turned out to be just like my mother superior expected me to be….atleast in the schedule following, disciplinarian kind of way. So when I decided to take time off from work I didn’t completely foresee the disarray it would cause me.

It’s actually just day 4. I know what you’re thinking, exactly how much of a control freak is she??? Right?? Right??? Well if you are thinking that then screw you, if you’re not, then I think we’ll get along just fine. You see I am one of those people who knows exactly what needs to be done when I wake up. Right now I wake up and then there’s about 30 seconds of me going,” ok what now”. The answer that usually follows is,” brush your teeth”.

What does one do after they have spent about 15 minutes of their time brushing their teeth, I have never ever spent that much time brushing my teeth before….EVER!!!!

I engage in all sorts of random activities like watching the news on BBC (which is usually depressing) to attempting to meditate (my minds just so full of thought lately, I cannot seem to do very well) to making coffee.... when I’m done doing these things I turn around to look at my treacherous clock only to find it to be 7; 15 am.

And what’s going on in my head it, exactly how and when did it happen? This thing?? How did I let myself to be so caught my in doing chores and stuff that when I’m left alone I begin to question the purpose of my living? Is it only work and hectic schedules that define us now-a-days? Why can’t we be pleased to know that we have taken some time off to do nothing? Why must we do something all the time?

Do we really need to have pile on to do lists? And turn around to look at the clock to know it’s the end of the day and you don’t even know how you got there? Right now I have all the time in the world to smell the roses as they say, but I’m finding it difficult to get myself to do just that.